Stick to Your Guns

Hey Sis,

I've been thinking about ya more than usual lately. With training after being out so shortly, there can be a lot of questions about what you're doing. You know what preach my gospel says, and you think you're doing it right, but there's an element of confidence that comes with time. I had a similar experience on my mission that I'd like to share.

It was the beginning of my fourth transfer and I was moving to my second area. I had 4.5 months under my belt, I felt like I was a good missionary, but hadn't baptized anyone. My trainer had taught me to work hard and be obedient, but part of me wondered if we knew what we were doing. Part of me wondered what the work was about period. I was doing it right, right?

Well, my second area came and I was thrown into a pretty tough situation. I had two companions, not just one. One was old, 3 weeks left, and he was tired. The other was young, 5 weeks in, and he was fiery. Fiery is good, if pointed in the right direction. The problem was, the tired missionary had taught the young missionary some bad habits. Obedience wasn't a priority, and finding certainly wasn't a priority. It was as if everything we were doing was to act like we were working, but most importantly we wanted to be in areas where we didn't talk to people. We certainly wouldn't go out of our way to talk to people. If they directly crossed our path, maybe, if not though, not a chance. I thought that's what a mission was all about. Talk to everyone. 

So, although I wasn't super confident in the way a mission was supposed to go, I was pretty sure I understood what preach my gospel taught, and what the examples of missionaries in the scriptures had shown. And with that somewhat shaky conviction, I endeavored to talk to those around us, and grease the wheels towards efficiency, not slowness. I hadn't gone on a mission to go from less active member, to less active member. I went on a mission to teach non members, to find scattered Israel, to give people the joy of the gospel who had never had it.

There were many episodes that transfer that featured me crossing a street, or turning back to talk to a stranger to the jeers of a sarcastic "go get em' Gundie." Going to talk to strangers repeatedly is hard enough of as it is, but being ribbed for it by the very people who are supposed to be helping you, supporting you, strengthening you, that supposedly believe the same things as you, makes it all the worse. Add on top of that, almost no one you talk to being interested, and you start to question what you're doing. 

I had some intense moments of introspection during that time. Did I really believe in what I was doing? Was this the Lord's work? Was there more to this than a couple of silly boys out bothering people on the street? I really had to decide in my heart what I believed. Would I stick to my guns? Was Joseph Smith a prophet? 

That was a trying time, sis. Maybe the greatest of my life. It's also the time I think I'm most proud of. Its something a little bit odd to be proud of. It wasn't a championship, there was no reward, there wasn't even a moment of victory. Nobody really even knows about it. In recalling it to someone I can't tell them anything that was necessarily accomplished. I think the only thing I can really say about it is that I had faith. In a moment of uncertainty, I chose to believe. I chose to live in a way that was difficult, one that was a little more painful, a little less comfortable, and very much against the grain.

As I've reflected on this time, I believe my whole life had prepared me for it. There were countless times in High School and Middle School that I had to learn to go against the grain. To stick to my guns, even when it was tough. To give up comfort, for something that meant more to me, something that I believed in.

Work hard sis. Stick to your guns. The most fulfilling relationship from my mission came from that time in my mission. My best friend from the mission was that young fiery missionary. It took time, and some difficult conversations, but he eventually caught the vision. We went on to lead the mission together. Setting a culture that largely derived from that time in Lincoln, where we learned to walk by faith. Two young missionaries, who didn't really know, but chose to believe. 

Miracles came Sis. Countless people joined the church. The work is true. You're building the kingdom of God on the earth, preparing the way for his second coming. See with an eye of faith. Work hard.


Lots of Love,

Cole

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